Category Archives: Thoughts

Update.

I’ve been feeling bad for neglecting this little space lately, so I wanted to drop in and let you know I’m still alive and I’ll hopefully be back on track, if less regularly, soonish. Something happened recently which has been a pretty harsh blow and de-railed a lot of my plans, so for the moment all I can really manage is to keep chipping away at my dissertation and trying to wrap my head around some changes. Fun times ahead! Thanks for your patience in the mean time.

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Thought for the Day.

One of my favourite things to do used to be going out to this awesome little Pad on Thursday nights with my friends and dancing the night away. I haven’t been in months now – I blamed mostly giving up drinking, poverty, and being busy. Actually, I’m pretty sure I haven’t been since my back surgery last July… hmm.

But it’s a public holiday tomorrow, and my friends are going, and I agreed happily. And I’ve missed it, and I’m glad to be going. But at the same time, as the hours have passed today, I’ve been getting more and more anxious and felt panic tightening my chest.

What if I look awful, because I’m eczema-blotchy and purple-legged and my bald spot is showing? What if I can’t do it without my old, eight-times-what-I-currently-take levels of opiates? What if I’m hobbling and people look at me weird, or I look strange dancing because I’m in pain, or I’m just awkward and a fun-spoiler because it hurts?

So, it appears I may have had some serious fear-avoidance happening without realising it. But tonight I’m determined. What if the worst happens? Well, people will think I’m odd (won’t be the first time), my friends will think I seem grumpy but forgive me because they love me, and I’ll come home early but hopefully still feeling triumphant I gave it a go.

So send good, strong-backed vibes my way and wish me luck! I’m feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

Thought for the Day.

Had an illness-is-hilarious moment I wanted to share.

I was at the letterbox checking the mail when I got a massive, excruciating cramp. I get cramps in my left calf and foot since my back has been bad. Seconds later, I realised there were baby spiders all over the letter I had pulled out of the letterbox.

Cue me shrieking, waving my arms around frantically trying to dislodge the baby spiders, and hobbling, howling, up my driveway doing a weird I-have-a-cramp-and-there-are-spiders dance all the way to the front door.

I’m sure the neighbours were entertained, at least!

Hope you’re AWAP (as well as possible) today.

Thought for the Day.

I went with my partner yesterday while he enrolled in a massage therapy course (this is why I love him, and no, I didn’t make him do it, but I am happy and grateful). It involved sitting bored in a classroom featuring anatomical posters for about an hour, so I read the posters in excruciating detail.

One was on the spine, and I discovered that everything on the ‘disease’ half of the poster features in my scans. I also have a couple of things that weren’t on the poster. This was simultaneously depressing and filled me with a weird sense of achievement. At least I will be the best, most complicated massage practice dummy ever! Yay for something about my medical weirdness being helpful 🙂

Thought for the Day.

Worst effect of peripheral neuropathy ever: I just put a piece of chocolate to my mouth, lost my grip on it, and it fell onto my filthy (currently can’t vacuum!) kitchen floor. It touched tongue so it was wet and got fuzz stuck to it. Devastated.

Side note: Let me plug Loving Earth chocolate for a moment. It’s raw, gluten-free, dairy-free, superfood-packed, and organic, and comes in versions sweetened with either agave or coconut nectar, with the later purportedly being better for people sensitive to insulin spikes. My favourite flavours are sour cherry and acai (tastes like dark Cherry Ripe) and orange and gubinge (Kakadu plum). Available here http://www.lovingearth.net/

Thought for the Day.

My autoimmune disease makes my hair fall out (it’s noticeably thin on the right side of my head, which to me looks weirder than it being thin on both sides, but I try to be grateful that I still have a good side).

My chronic pain has resulted in an increase in my facial hair (I have no idea why this happens but my doctor said it was a not-uncommon reaction, and not related to hormones, which was what I expected).

So there is too little hair where there should be hair, while simultaneously having too much hair where no hair should be.

My body has a jerk sense of humour.

My autoimmune disease makes my hair fall out (it’s noticeably thin on the right side of my head, which to me looks weirder than it being thin on both sides, but I try to be grateful that I still have a good side).

My chronic pain has resulted in an increase in my facial hair (I have no idea why this happens but my doctor said it was a not-uncommon reaction, and not related to hormones, which I expected).

So there is too little hair where there should be hair, while simultaneously having too much hair where no hair should be.

My body has a jerk sense of humour.